Selfish for One Night
by matchstick
Summary: One-shot based upon HZL's confession to SC in Meteor Garden II -- HuaZhe Lei’s thoughts on one of those cold, lonely nights when Dao Ming Si forgot Shan Cai


AN: First time posting on fanfiction.net, just a quick, extremely short piece (hence, one-shot!) based upon HZL's confession to SC in Meteor Garden II. Don't really know what the reader response will be, but I'm sure that quite a few of you would have read this on winglin.net.aiii am bracing myself for major criticisms! =P matchstick aka Jenny*  
  
Disclaimer: As much as I wish, I don't own any of the following characters, nor do I own Meteor Garden, nor any of the HYD characters that HZL and SC are based upon...  
  
----------------  
  
Meteor Garden II - What should have happened but didn't. For those HuaZhe Lei fans who thought that his confession to Shan Cai just *wasn't* enough...  
  
HuaZhe Lei's thoughts on one of those cold, lonely nights when Dao Ming Si forgot Shan Cai.  
  
----------------  
  
"I don't know what to do anymore," she sobbed against me, grasping at my shirt. "HuaZhe Lei... tell me, what should I do?"  
  
Just hearing the helplessness in her voice was enough to break my heart... Shan Cai, don't cry, I'm here for you. I'll always be here for you... I'll do anything just to make you smile again... Desperately, these words were screaming in my mind, and I wanted to say them out loud, I really did. But of course, she never heard them.  
  
"Don't cry... Ah Si loves you too much to forget about you this easily," I heard myself say soothingly to her. "He'll fight on, I know it..." Not quite the words I had wanted to express, but they were good enough for now. There wasn't much point in causing her more trauma than necessary.  
  
"Dao Ming Si -- how could he just go off and forget about me like that?" her voice trailed away, as her words once again became engulfed by her tears...those tears... that once upon a time wouldn't have touched me at all, let alone break through the icy cold barrier that I had built up for myself... Those tears, that then had made me slowly, unconsciously, fall for her...  
  
"Hush, Shan Cai," Although I knew that nothing except for Ah Si's voice could soothe her now, I still had to try. "Everything's going to be alright- -"  
  
She looked up at me. "Promise?"  
  
It only took a single question like this. I wasn't a particularly big fan of strong, raw emotions, but suddenly I felt a surge of anger towards Ah Si. How could you leave her all alone like this, Ah Si? Of course, you aren't at fault for the car accident or your amnesia, but surely you could go and fight on? The three of us will support you all the way, whatever you do, but what about Shan Cai? Who will take care of her now? Why are you running away from your past... where's your strength, Ah Si... where is the mighty Dao Ming Si I once knew?  
  
I nodded in response. "Promise." My voice was calm, as it had always been, but at the same time, I was still lost in my thoughts. My only concern was that she would be looked after, and at this point in time, even if it meant disregarding Ah Si and her past relationship with him, so be it. And I was so tired of being just the guardian angel, the shadow, the wallflower in the background -- She needed comfort and protection and I was yearning to give it to her - even though at the same time I knew that the only person she wanted it from was Ah Si. Still, I didn't care. Maybe, I thought to myself, as each heart-wrenching sob gradually washed away my usual rational thinking and reasoning - maybe for just a second, I could give her the love that she so longed for from my best friend.  
  
I pulled her closer towards me. Ah Si, I thought silently, Let me be selfish for just this one night..  
  
"Shan Cai," I spoke softly, "Return to Japan with me."  
  
She released herself from our embrace. "What did you say, HuaZhe Lei?"  
  
I've loved you for a long time, Shan Cai, I responded to her silently. Haven't you realised that by now?  
  
"You understand my meaning, don't you, Shan Cai?" She looked amazed for a second, and I took this opportunity to bend my head down towards her and give her a gentle kiss - tender, lingering, telling her everything that I wanted to say aloud but didn't dare to. She stiffened at the intimate contact at first but let herself relax and responded. When I finally pulled back rationality had already returned to me from my brief lapse into emotion and the moment was lost - clear thoughts came back to me, and I silently chided myself for taking advantage of Shan Cai in her weakest moment. She was blushing fiercely as per usual but still had a bewildered expression on her face - I knew what she was thinking but it was really my turn to apologise.  
  
"That kiss... I'm sorry, Shan Cai," I still couldn't believe that I could have allowed myself to let emotion take control, even only for just a second.  
  
"Hua - HuaZhe Lei..." she stammered in a small voice, "I don't know what to say."  
  
"Say nothing," I told her gently, "but I just want you to know that I'll always be waiting, if you ever need me..."  
  
She whispered a soft "Xie xie" in response, and even just hearing the way she said it, I immediately knew that I was destined to be the shadow again.  
  
She needs you, Ah Si. Surely you don't want to forfeit the basketball match again -- the ball is in your hands, Ah Si - and this time round, I'm waiting for you to make time stop again. 


End file.
